It took me a little while to decide on a topic for this week but I decided on the topic of relationships. Relationships are complicated and certainly very complicated for most transgendered individuals. However, more and more people are coming out as trans and more people are learning and educating themselves about transgender/transsexual/queer issues. I want to start by talking about a friend of mine and his relationship with an FTM then later I will talk about my relationship with my girlfriend.
I have a friend in Ottawa who identifies as a gay male and until recently has only ever dated biological males. A few weeks ago he messaged me and wanted to talk to me about something and I had absolutely no idea what it would be. He tells me that he met this great guy who is an FTM and wants me to help him out because he feels embarrassed to ask his new friend these questions. He wanted to know the basic ins and outs of transsexual anatomy and of course how to talk to him about it. I felt kind of bad for him because I understand that for people who are not trans it can be very confusing and he had no idea where to start .I felt completely elated that he cared enough about this issue to want to educate himself and I was glad to help him out!
He and the guy have been seeing each other for awhile and things were getting serious so his main concern was with how to broach the subject to him without offending him but he also was concerned about if he would “know what to do” if they were to have intimate relations. I assured him that things would turn out fine and that he would know what to do and that hopefully his friend would let him know. I also sent him a link to some YouTube videos made by an FTM where he talks about “Gay sex with transgender men”. Here are those videos :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbKSmt7tw2I
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSd5FpdSNS4
I don’t know if they had sex yet but he did end up having a conversation with him and was very grateful for me sending him the video links as well as tons of other FTM resource pages. I even sent him to the transgender surgery photo archive called TransBucket so he could see what the surgeries looked like.
My situation is quite different from my friend in Ottawa. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and she knew me before I started my transition. When I first told her about it I had pretty much already made up my mind and had been emotionally closed off and kept my feelings from her for the first 2 years of our relationship. So this was a big deal we both had a lot to lose if things didn’t work out. She didn’t really believe me at first but now we are closer than ever. We still have our problems like every relationship does but I was not a Happy person back then and we are both better off with my transition however difficult this process continues to be. I really owe her a lot she has helped me remain strong in my weakest times and has continued to be by my side through my most bitter emotional struggles.
So these are just two stories and I think it brings good news for the lost and lonely trans people. There are people out there who would love to love you, if you love yourself and let yourself be loved.
